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as much as the drawing board terrifies me more than the idea of lazily reclining in my stagnant pool of misery, I'm ready to go back to it. now it's time to forget all that I thought I knew (which was everything,) and re-learn the basics. things on the checklist: a. find a safe, stable place to live that I look forward to coming home to. b. boozing is for weekends, not for all waking hours. health going wrong can make everything follow suit, just as being a belligerent drunk doesn't make new friends or keep the old. c. make the best of my night job, and excel at my internship with faith and confidence. d. forgive myself for blunders and foibles and learn from them.

this stuff is not as easy as it sounds when I look back over it.

I'm ready to try, though, and I'm done attempting to rescue my emotionally abusive roller coaster relationship whose death rattle has lasted 3 months. loneliness is a hell of a drug, but it hurts less than trying to be with him when fully aware that I'm being played like an romantically caustic game of scrabble. (how many points would I get for: slimylyingbastard?) I'm calling on all of the break-up gods to grant me a favor and help me flee the treehouse as fast as I can. don't I have something in my karma savings account? anything? I once rescued a little girl who was being attacked by a gang of cholas on the 24! I practice random acts of kindness! I always tip baristas! I tell my friends the truth when they ask me if those jeans make their ass look fat! throw me a bone here! does anyone know the patron saint of jilted suckers who can't get craigslist to come through for the life of them?