I went to a spirit superstore to get some accoutrements for my sexy zombie george washington costume, and had a distinctly hard time getting the clerk to understand me. I explained to her that I needed a wig in a colonial styling, and she began trying to hard-sell me a bo peep wig.
"no, I need something in a colonial fashion, like george washington." I motioned with my hands around my head to illustrate a bouffant with rows of curls on the sides.
"oh..." she trailed off, twirling one pippi longstocking. "so, like a men's costume."
"yes, exactly." I smiled, strenuously pulling from my recently low reserves of affability. the woman held the bo peep wig out and pointed to the picture on the front of the package.
"it's sort of like a colonial wig." she said.
"sort of, but it's a woman's wig, and I'd like a men's hairstyle."
"is it for a boy?"
"no, it's for me, I'm dressing up as a boy."
the woman halfheartedly acquiesced and led me down the next aisle. she stopped and pointed to a long, white judge's wig and I shook my head, disappointed.
"it's just that it has to be washington hair. I'm thinking dollar-dollar bill, y'all, not order in the court."
she held up bo peep again and smiled quizzically.
I'm going on a mission today to find that hair, and I'll not rest until I'm a dead prez.
and now for... last 5 text messages.
-GOOD. THAT SHIT IS NAZZZZZTAY!!!!
-woke up at 9, couldn't deal, took two melatonins, just got up, feel like shit. hate life. you?
-ass raping poncho. I cut little pieces off and cram them down my manties.
-hollandaise sauce
-it's justin. monica's phone is dead. is her weed on the table? she can't find it.
