Wednesday, August 26, 2009

dirty tit? clean it up.

the night before last I went out on the town with my ladyfriend catharine, and we met up with peter and his sister in greenpoint, summer rain be damned. copious amounts had already been imbibed, and it's sufficient to say that by the end of the night my liver was "well done". on the walk/stumble home accompanied by my strapping date, I somehow managed to do a flying karate leap faceplant onto the freeway under the BQE to avoid getting hit by a semi with a giant lead pipe on the back. (white girl can jump, but apparently the problem lies in the "landing" aspect.) I was in immense amounts of pain but trying to brush it off to scrimp together what was left of my pride, and I thought it best to change the subject with the international language of love when we got back to my apartment.

my come-hither strip tease was brought to a screeching halt when I removed my brassiere and peter started cracking up uncontrollably. at first I was incensed. why was he laughing at my boobs? my sexy strip tease had been meant to illicit a slightly more libidinous reaction. then he reached over and peeled a sticky, sweaty piece of orbit gum off of my left breast.

"oh." I said. "I've been looking for that."

5 comments:

ModernSophist said...

I really miss the titty photo that used to go with this post. Really tied the whole piece together.

christina hurricane said...

thomas, get your mind out of the gutter. it was a picture of the only good result from a google image search of the word pairing "sexy gum". it was... in a word, titillating?

Nicole said...

ROFL. Christina, you haven't changed. I don't know if you remember me, but I was the "sofrlowi" of Diaryland, ages ago. I had just transferred a bunch of my entries over to Wordpress to immortalize them (or whatever), and started reading through a whole bunch. I kept seeing blogged AIM chats with a "NomaBabe" and could NOT remember for the life of me who that was. Then I read an entry where I linked your old, much-loved Blondefox diary, and it all came together. Followed your link from that site.... annnd here I am.

If you don't remember me, I wouldn't be surprised, but you seem to be doing amazing over here. Never lost the writing style! <3

ModernSophist said...

How dare you! The gutter is exactly where I find my best material.

Atlas Cerise said...

Here ya go, Thomas. Some nice gummy nipples. Man, I could just eat those things all night long.